Spencer's Stones. Stupid.

Remember when Speidi went crazy over healing crystals and spent over $400,000 on them? (Jeez, I'm impressed they had money leftover after hiring an elephant to come to Enzo's birthday party. Haha! You thought I was gonna say plastic surgery, didn't you?  Got'ems!)

If one was wondering where they could get their hands on these (fake) healing crystals, I have found them for you.  And I say fake not because I doubt the effectiveness of these questionable sediments (actually, I do), but because if you click on the link to the website that sells them, you'll see that these rocks are going for $5-$50. 
Uh, hello.  I'm not dumb. I can do simple math.
If Speidi spent $400,000+ on healing crystals, they must've bought some functional $#!^ with real healing powers.

 If you want to waste $45 and purchase the Rose Quartz bracelet, it claims to "encourage self-love and calmness.[it's] perfect for a personal day off to take care of yourself."  Mmm. I'm sure.
It would also go great with your Halloween costume. From 15 years ago (if you're currently 20).  Yeah, I'm talking about your Disney Princess costume.

This has to be the worst
endorsement deal ever.
Lady, you got Spencer Pratt to endorse your solid blocks on a string?! 
 (Not trying to devalue your product by describing it in a patronizing manner...don't worry, your products naturally depreciate in value every time you get a new hit on your website.)
Betcha could sell more without any endorsement deal.

Tiger Woods --> Nike.  (Oh wait.  Did he get dropped for doing something bad...?)
LeBron James --> Nike. (We are all witnesses of a fame monster. Not the GaGa kind.  But hey, I don't judge.  Or watch basketball.)
Rihanna --> CoverGirl. (Yeaaaah, but you covered that up, girl, when Chris socked you in the face.) I'm so clever I want to cry.
The Kardashians --> QuickTrim (But I think Khloe quit ever since she married Lamar...)

All these stars are amongst the top of their game.  Golf.  Basketball. Music. (Reality) TV.

I suppose Spencer is at the top of something too.
On top of 5'5" worth of silicone and on top of Scott Disick on the list of biggest douchelords to ever walk the planet.


So (self-proclaimed) Rock Lady, good luck with your business.
Let me know when it goes bunkers like Heidi's mom's restaurant in Colorado. 


P.S. How is it possible that EVERY single time I'm updating, Taylor Swift is on TV??!
Seriously, this has to be a breach of some anti-trust laws.  She's currently performing (my favorite song off her new album) at the CMAs.  Terrible, as per usual.  Taytay, I'd forgive love you if you lip-synched.  Try it sometime.
Please note how surprised she is to receive awards in the picture to the left. This is actually the same exact expression on my face when she wins, except mine is a lot slightly angrier.