Party in the LiLo Land?

This is a Class A emergency.

I am addicted to Taylor's new album, Speak Now.
Just kidding. I mean I really am listening to Taylor, but this is not the emergency.

Billy Ray & Tish Cyrus have filed for divorce.

Their "irreconcilable differences" are no concern of mine. The divorce itself is no emergency either. The emergency is that their divorce has provided the perfect excuse for tabloids to exploit for Miley's alleged journey to LiLo land. (LiLo= Lindsay Lohan, duh). Much like how Dina & Michael are being blamed for Lindsay's tragic and bankrupt life.

** Sidenote: ABC Family, please consider playing The Parent Trap in lieu of all other scheduled movies for the remainder of the year so that Lindsay can receive residuals to pay for rehab. **

Going back on topic...
Miley has been charged with first degree sluttiness. See below:

But make no mistake. She is NOT headed towards LiLo Land. She is a trailblazer marking her own territory in a land of forgotten childhood, Hollywood exploitation and exposure to all things sex, drugs and Rock n' Roll. She is not rebelling to compensate for an overload of freckles, red hair and a fire crotch (unlike a certain someone...). She is simply unleashing the Sasha Fierce of Hannah Montana, so LEAVE HER ALONE.

So what if the opening 30 seconds of her "Who Owns My Heart" music video looks like this:

Try playing a character with an alter ego on television for four years and your third (and only real) persona will be screaming to come out of that blonde wig and gummy smile. The necessity of that third and real persona being revealed in the form of an under-aged scantily clad girl while still under a contract with the Disney Channel is questionable...but let's let the 17 year old millionaire do what she wants. It's her pre-ro-ga-tive. (Read it the way Britney "sings" it in her song.)

So magazines/Perez/tabloids/fellow bloggers, when you feel the urge to blame Billy Ray & Tish for Miley's lady years, watch this sweet scene from Hannah Montana, The Movie and remember that you can blame Tish because she's irrelevant, but don't you tamper with Billy Ray's achy, breaky heart. He was with Miley thru the Hannah years as well as the Miley years. God bless Billy Ray and may he have been smart enough to sign a pre-nup. (But let's get real. Miley is 100x richer than either of her parents...)