Taylor is One Sneaky Biotch.

Taylor is one sneaky biZ (SB).
For the following reasons:

Uno: Although every cell in my body resents her, she manages to pop into my life several times a day via Twitter (by others), People Magazine online, and other channels of Hollywood gossip.
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Dos: Despite her inability to actually sing, she has somehow managed to be recruited to perform at every award show. Only a SB could pull off being asked to perform live after 4 years of living proof that she is Ashlee Simpson, reincarnated.

*Confessional: I tried to YouTube a video of her singing horribly live, but it looks as though she got better...or I've been completely dramatic about her singing...*

<-- Tres: She is somehow stealing the hearts of some of the most coveted men- even with those eyes of hers that make her hair look like it's being pulled back too far.


Quatro: Despite laws against monopolies, this SB has sneaked her way into the airwaves every eight minutes.

With the release of her new album Speak Now, we've come to find that Taylor has had a slew of men that she's tampered with on the side since Joe Jonas. (Mostly) all kept quiet until now...and what better way to disclose her relations with some of Hollywood's hottest than in a song that will quickly be glued onto the lips of every single pre and post pubescent being in America. And I say "being" because Taylor-fever knows no gender. Just ask my brother, David (19), who has a playlist on his iPod titled "Fantastic Females"- one of which said fantastic female being Taytay herself.

So first I read that Taylor has written a song called "Dear John" on the new album, allegedly about infamously douche-baggy John Mayer. Part of the lyrics read:
"Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress, cried the whole way home.
I should've known."
Um, yes, Taylor. You should have known. Were you residing under a rock when Rolling Stone featured and interviewed John in its February issue?
This is the guy who publicly stated that Jessica Simpson was like "sexual napalm" and then proceeded to up his douche factor by saying:
"Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, "I want to quit my life and just fuckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you."

Please excuse John's french.


I haven't reviewed any of the other songs on her album yet (besides "Mine", duh) but there has to be without a doubt a song or two on this record referring to her werewolf ex-boyfriend. If there isn't, then snaps for you for putting that pinched face behind you. -->








Now onto her latest fling.
JAKE GYLLENHAAL.
Seriously cannot & will not believe this to be true.
WHY, JAKE, WHYYYY!?
The only way this would be okay would be if Taylor got the Prince of Persia version of Jake.


** Side Note: omg as I'm writing this blog, I am watching a Target commercial of Taylor advertising her Speak Now album. I seriously cannot escape this chick. She's inserted herself EVERYWHERE!!! **

Sigh. Spending my time and energy bashing on Taylor is quite tiring.
So let me finish up here.

While I've listed several reasons as to why I hate Taylor Swift, there is one reason why I resent her, and it's got to be the biggest reason of all.
Her. songs. are. so. damn. catchy.

I really do try to hate her songs, but
HOW CAN I?
THEY ARE SO GOOD.

So here is my love&hate post all wrapped into one blog post.
Taylor Swift, you are the definition of contradiction in my dictionary.
I don't know what to do with myself when you're shuffling (or intentionally played) on my iTunes/iPod...you hypnotize me four minutes at a time with your studio-enhanced vocals. I love it.