Bleeding Beauties

Hola, it's been a long time since I wrote my last post regarding Mexican romances-- neither of which exist any longer.  Maybe being featured in gin&dirt brings bad luck in the bedroom.  (It could indeed explain why Taytay has experienced a long series of romances gone bad.)
Between coming back from a semester in Italy, spending my summer slaving away as a D.C. intern, and finally coming back to school for my senior year, I couldn't think of a better time to get back into my blog.  I have an exam tomorrow in biological anthropology (what?) and since swamping myself in notes that I don't understand is not how I'd like to spend my time, how about we use our time a little more wisely? Like recap the fashion at the Emmys?  Yes. Let's go.

I started watching at 5PM EST when E! started coverage of the red carpet-- people started filing in and it was impossible to notice the popular choice color of the night.  Red.  Everywhere you looked, there were lady(s) in red.  Not only were a lot of ladies in red, almost everyone in red looked amaze.  My personal fave of the night:
Nina Dobrev in Donna Karen. 
**Extra sidenote: does Lea Michele EVER look bad on the red carpet? 
Trust me, when I see it, I will be all over it with a new post. 

* In case you don't understand the caption to the picture above, TOM = time of the month. Duh.*

Why red, you ask?  Something must be in the Hollywood water because apparently every female actress has the same menstrual cycle and they all came to the Emmys majorly prepared.  They all chose these little red numbers that cling onto their bodies so tight that they have no room to wear pantyliners underneath their plugged in part.  So just in case they leak a little, they're safe, because their dress now matches the color of their uterine lining. Problem solved.

*Also, Julie Bowden (aka Claire Dunphy) in ODLR was one of my faves, but it wasn't red so it would've ruined the whole picture scheme, but look her Emmy wear up!*

Now onto the worst dressed.  Click picture to enlarge.

Need I say more?  Why, Julianna Marguiles, did you have to come as a bejeweled mummy?  Why, Dianna Agron, did you have to come as a geisha in a wrinkly, no-necklined dress?  Why, Christina Hendricks, did you have to give us boob explosion part two (CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE) and then try to one up last year by just going shy of giving us a vag show as well?  Why, Katie Holmes, are you at the Emmys? 
You haven't been Joey Potter in a while, honey.

Guess red scored big and white & blue were major bummers.  Better luck next year, lapis.

Hot Like Mexico, Rejoice!

Hollywood took many trips to Splitsville recently, but it looks like love is in the air again.  Back-on-the-market the slut from He's Just Not That Into You Scarlett Johansson and the lesbian from the O.C. Olivia Wilde are already sporting new men on their arms.  The common thread?  Looks like Mexico has brought the gals some luck in scoring their new male friends, but unfortunately only one of the two gals gets an A on her new beau; the other gets an F.



Let's start with the A grade.  Olivia Wilde has been spotted brunching with Ryan Gosling at a Mexican restaurant just a month after separating from her hubs.  Nothing better than chips & guac whilst acting coy with Noah Calhoun, no?  Let's get real- whoever doesn't find Ryan Gosling attractive is either
a) A straight boy (but even in that situation...c'mon)
b) A liar
c) Blind
d) Never watched The Notebook. (but you have to be one of options a-c to claim option d.)
e) I'll give you one last option: you saw this GQ cover and thought he was a spitting image of Scott Disick.

Scarlett Johansson on the other hand has traded in Ryan Reynolds, People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive, for the Sexiest Woman Alive a man twice her age.  Sean Penn.  Look, he's an excellent actor and he's got good movies, but what could he possibly have that Ryan doesn't?  Wisdom?  I still think Jon Hamm should have beat Ryan out of the SMA title, but Ryan still has a tint of sexy to him.  Sean Penn- meh, not so gifted on the outside -->

The two vacationed in Cabo this past week conversing about God-knows-what over lobsters and margaritas.  Maybe he consoled her on her failed singing career.  Or maybe she consoled him about the fact that the picture on the right is inked on the Internet. 

Anywho.  Guess these two (three?) ladies are happy for now.  May the land of the drug cartels (and their cuisine) bring them more happiness for many months to come. 

Grammys 2011 Wrap Up: Elmo @ Mardi Gras

Living in Italy for a few months has its definite perks, but I've had to make some sacrifices.  I missed the playoffs, the Super Bowl, the Golden Globes, Kourtney & Kim Take Miami and most importantly, the Grammys.  The 6 hour time difference makes it impossible for me to watch these specials; some internet guru needs to upload them to surfthechannel.com (holler Dastardly84 , who fulfills all my television needs while I'm abroad.  The guy literally uploads all of my favorite TV shows a few hours after they've aired.  A genius/convenient internet slave.)

So while I didn't get to enjoy the Grammys to its fullest, I've been trying my best to catch up...checked out the red carpet wear, the performances and tried my best (but to no avail) to avoid pictures of Lady Gaga. 

Although these cave people helped conceal her for a while on the red carpet...all the while proving that Lady Gaga is the biggest attention whore ever.  Trying to get attention by not showing your face...yeah, real mysterious, Stefani Germanotta.  Sorry not sorry but nobody cares anymore.


Must say that Cee Lo Green & Gwyneth Paltrow's "Forget You" duet (alongside the Muppets) was probably the highlight of the show (if you can forget about how Cee Lo forgot the lyrics to his own song...). 

** To the right is Cee Lo Green as (Tickle-Me) Elmo, dressed up as Spartacus, at Mardi Gras.**

I would say that Justin Bieber came in at a very close second, but it led to a performance by Usher, whose yuckiness beats Bieber's loveliness by at least ten fold. Justin can also no longer hit the high notes, which makes me sad...but also happy because it means he is that much closer to surpassing the age of 18.

Sense my obsession love for him here.

Some say the Rihanna/Eminem collabo of the second version of "Love The Way You Lie" was the greatest performance last night.  WRONG. 
This is wrong for two reasons:
1) Cee Lo & Gwyneth were better...
2) How could you enjoy the audio-visual performance, when Rihanna's distracting you with her meh-voice, STILL red hair and her ill-selected outfits that make her look like a belly dancer in the slums of India???  (Nothing wrong with the slums...just the first thing I thought of when I saw this unfortunate ensemble.)

I know what you're thinking.  Cee Lo's outfit really wasn't any better.  But he was surrounded by the muppets- it kind of went with the program, so all is forgiven there.
 


Is it just me or are the Grammys just not as great as they used to be?  With Esperanza Spalding (who? but seriously, we all know who she is now) beating the Biebster on Best New Artist, Lady Gaga's elf shoulders/forehead and hermaphrodites proving their ladyhood...the Grammys is becoming a freakshow.

Whatever happened to simple boy bands professing the shape of their heart?  Or how it doesn't matter about the car he drives or the ice around his neck? 

Can we have them back at next year's Grammys, please?
THROWBACK GRAMMYYYYSSS, PLS!

I Die: Well-Crafted Men [NFL Series]

To commemorate the end of the 2010-2011 season of football (since the Eagles lost tonight, it truly is the end), I gift to you (ladies) my list of top three well-crafted (active) football players.  By well-crafted, I mean not only do they play great football but God clearly spent a little more time on these three specimens- chiseling away at their face, their bi and triceps, and in one case, giving one man a pair of eyes that give Athena a run for her money!
(As if you need a hint but in case you do, Hint: he plays for a very bad team in the NFC East...)

It's a shame that the Barber bros and Kurt Warner no longer play the game. 
I would have had to extend my list to top five for sure.

I can assure you that TOM BRADY did NOT make my list, nor will he ever.  And it's not only because of his awful, AWFUL haircut (or lack thereof!).  Cannot stand him, Belichick or anything Pats.  Sorry to all my lady friends who are on his nuts...but seriously, there are too many of you.  Open your eyes to the men below!

In ascending order:

3) Trent Edwards

Not the most consistent or exceptional player out there, obviously, but he's got the looks!  Let's get real, the NFL isn't a pool of gifted faces.  Linebackers/linemen don't scream "I'm hot", so it's mostly the QBs/WRs that get the girls swooning.  Trent Edwards, you are a beautiful creature.  Just keep on warming that spot on the bench- you're getting paid for it!

2) Mark Sanchez

Channeling Mark Consuelos, Mark Sanchez is such the hottie!  He gets extra hot points for being the only successful newbie QB from his class of rookies.  I must admit though...he looks better with a hat on. His hair is a little too wavy for my liking...I'm thinking if he shaved it all of, he'd have a major edge out on my #1 man...who is:

1) Miles Austin


He even has a ballin' name to match his pretty little face (unlike Dez Bryant who has an awesome name but not-so-awesome face).  How can you deny his light brown color and his devilish eyes?!  THE EYES alone would do it for me, but he has a nice smile, body and skin tone to complete the whole package.  If you don't think Miles Austin is attractive, you are so weird. 

That completes my list.
You're welcome if you've enjoyed the treat, and sorry to those who disagree...if that's the case, share your opinions on who you think are the hottest players in the NFL in the comments section...I wanna know!

Short + Sweet Jake Headliners

Reese Witherspoon got engaged to agent Jim Toth even though she broke up with Jake Gyllenhaal in 2009 because she didn't want to get married.

You are so dumb.  You are really dumb, Reese.  For real.

Let me share with you a mathematical FACT:

Jim Toth is LESS THAN Jake Gyllenhaal.
AKA: YOU LOST YOUR CHANCE AND HAVE DOWNGRADED.
But I must commend you: you've left him single and on the market.
So thank you.

In other Jake news...
TAYJAY IS NO MORE!!! 
Taylor and Jake have officially ended their on-a-whim romance. 
Thank you JESUS!!!!

The universe can now work on other things like providing Rihanna a new wardrobe/stylist or getting rid of the vampire fad. 
Or even making me accidentally bump into freshly-buzzed Zac Efron? ;)  Dreamin' big for 2011!!