This Week in Model Citizens

Famous people are exemplary human beings; if you ever find yourself pregnant wondering how you should raise your forthcoming child, just make them watch The Parent Trap, Freaky Friday, Mean Girls then Georgia Rule-- in that order-- throw in some trashy VH1 shows in between and they will turn out to be all you ever hoped and dreamed for them to be. (Note: including Herbie Fully Loaded in the mix might do more damage than called for.)

Let's take a look at the douches making headlines this week.

John Edwards
Who?  Remember the annoying man who pretended to care about poor people who also pretended like he had a chance against Obama or Hilary in 2008?  Okay, so he doesn't fall quite in the same demographic as everyone else on this blog but today he cannot go unmentioned.  He was found not guilty today for 6 counts of...stuff...basically all for campaign fraud. Your $25 donation paid for 1/6 of his haircut (probably just one sideburn), or your $250 donation paid for a one-way ticket to get Rielle Hunter the hell out of the same city as the late Elizabeth Edwards.  Buyer's remorse?  Sorry. Can't help you.

Let's rewind: the dude ran for presidency in 2008 in the midst of an affair with some rando "actress" named Rielle Hunter (please name me one movie she has been in) while his wife, Elizabeth, was dying from cancer.  If that does not constitute "asshole", then there are some really messed up people out there.   Then he illegally used a bunch of campaign money to do things like hide Rielle from the world and get $500+ haircuts (serious, google it).

After his case was declared a "mistrial", Edwards gave some lame statement in which he said "I don't think God's through with me.  I really believe he thinks there are still some good things I can do."  Hopeful, party of one?  Delusional, party of one?  Regardless, for the rest of your life, Eddie, you're gonna be just a party of one.  See ya in another life, bro.
(Or not.  I'm kind of hoping I end up in Heaven.)

Kathie Lee Gifford
How drunk is this lady at 7AM EST?  We all know Kathie Lee and Hoda are basically alcoholics but at least wait 'til like 9AM to take your first swig, jeez.

This morning she interviewed Martin Short, bringing up the topic of his wife, asking how long they've been married, reaffirming that the two are still "madly in love" and that they still make each other laugh.  Ummm, Mrs. Short has been dead for two years.  Making a corpse laugh is probably super awkward.  And also totally not funny.

KLG: next time, maybe just do an airplane bottle.  Or drink water.  I heard it's good for you.

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I know you're not a person, but you were a real B this week.