JB: Boy II Man

In 2004, we witnessed the countdown of the Olsen twins turning "legal", leaving behind their jail-bait statuses and entering into an era of sex, drugs and anorexia freedom to do whatever they want. Oh yeah, and finally access to their billions of dollars their daddy had locked up. Which only led to more of the above. 

Who said boys are the only ones that have the capacity to be this creepy?  Girls can get just as anxious at the thought of their dream boy having the ability to engage in consensual activities without judicial consequences.
The only difference is, boys will count down the days to almost anyone's legality...from the Olsen Twins...to Dakota Fanning (who is like eternally 12 years old)...to basically any girl who gets their own Disney Channel TV show.  

Justin, posing in the same exact scheming manner that we often do in secrecy.

Girls on the other hand, practice a little more self-control and selectivity.  It takes a very special kind of boy for us to keep tabs on his eighteenth birthday.  Actually more like only one boy ever in history.  And no, it's not Fred Savage. His name rhymes with Bustin Jeeber.

Lucky for us JB, like the rest of us, suffers from mortality.  He can't stay 14 forever (thank God).  He will inevitably face the consequences of aging (see: JB's Proactiv endorsement deal).  One said consequence: an outburst of women fans flying out of the JB-closet because once he's 18, it seems slightly more acceptable to love this tiny monopolizer of women.

Some of us ladies, (Tiane and myself included) have never been shameful of admitting our love for the Biebster.  

- Watching Never Say Never is a weekly activity
- My World 2.0 is CD #2 in my car's six-disc rotator
- Stalking JB's Instagram is an hourly exercise. 
(I may or may not also stalk Selena's Instagrams in case she uploads pictures of the two of them together.)
It seems that I also have enough time in the day to photoshop myself in pictures next to Justin.
It's official, I have no shame.  Or dignity, for that matter.

Well, ladies...the time has come.  Justin will be 18 in just a little over two hours.  No longer can anyone judge you...you are now in love with a man.  ......Okay trying not to judge even myself right now.

Oscars in the Hamptons?

Finishing off awards season was tonight's Oscars' red carpet.  The stars saved their best for last and for me, white was the color of the night.  Is it summertime in the Hamptons?  Or has white just been lobbying Hollywood for some time in the spotlight this season?  I guess since we've been lacking snow and winter weather this year, the celebs have decided to slip into attire reminiscent of summertime in hopes of ushering in the sunshine a little early this year.

First of all, even though G is just a red carpet host (and not an Oscar attendee) she was dressed and done up to the nines.  Like perfection.  It was all so good.
Octavia Spencer never disappoints and always graces in Tadashi Shoji.  This is her third Shoji number this season and her third time proving that even if you're not a zero, you can definitely still stun on the red carpet!!! Love it.
Milla Jovovich: so elegant in Elie Saab-- so old Hollywood glam.  So pretty even though I have no idea who she is.

...I don't want to say it, but my best dressed of the night was Stacey Kiebler...
Honestly, she has looked amaze all season but I've just been suppressing my feelings...til now.  I was just really sad that George dumped Elisabetta for this young thing, but I cannot hold it in any longer...she is a vision.  From the Golden Globes (red) to the Screen Actors Guild (black) to the Oscars (gold), she has been consistently beautiful next to the most beautiful man in Hollywood (and Como).  Sigh.  What a lucky gal.

* Adding to the growing list on why Stacey Keibler's a witch (the first one being that George started dating her immediately after dumping Elisabetta) she wore this stunning gold Marchesa dress, when Leslie Mann (aka Jane of the Jungle) was supposed to wear it. *

Aaaaand now to the GREATEST red carpet moment of all time. 

Ryan Seacrest unfortunately interviewed Sacha Baron Cohen in character.  Dressed up as The Dictator, (Cohen's upcoming mockumentary) Cohen came up to Seacrest with urn in hand, containing "remains" of Kim Jong Il (which was really Bisquick mix).  As soon as Cohen said "As Sadaam Hussein once told me...'socks are socks, don't waste money'" I knew the interview was going south.  Well it did.  Cohen went on to pour the entire contents of the urn all over Ryan's Burberry tux...what the hell.  In the words of Stephanie Tanner: "How Rude!"

At least it made for a funny moment...don't know how funny Ryan thought it was but poor Ry...one of the nicest guys...why couldn't Cohen do it to Ross Matthews instead??!
Happy Oscars viewing, all!  I'm hoping The Descendants sweeps it this year (although Hugo has taken the reigns as of now...) and that Best Picture goes to Midnight in Paris (even though it probably won't).

Jeremy Lin. This is a Pun-Free Zone. You're Welcome.

Okay, we are at a point where we've absolutely exhausted the Jeremy Lin jokes (especially the puns...) but of all the ones out there, my favorite was "who is this Jeremy Lin and how do I get him to do my homework?"  

If you're reading this, you probably fall in the demographics that describe you as 'not interested in sports or athletes' except for the ones the Kardashians have dated/married.  And that's okay.  But if you don't know who Jeremy Lin is by now, you probably started Lent a few weeks early and cut yourself off from social media networks.  And if you're not religious, maybe you have selective hearing/sight and cringe at anything that takes you back to Tebow Time. 

So who is Jeremy Lin?
A god-fearing, persevering hopeful who was twice-released but is now single-handedly rocking MSG.

If you thought JB was the only one that was capable of doing that, think again.  

Naturally there have been rumors that Jeremy Lin and Kim Kardashian are having a rendezvous...but let's give Jeremy the benefit of the doubt and lay these rumors to rest for now.  Let's give Kim some credit too...dating someone just across the bridge from the Humps seems insensitive.  We know she knows better.
So if not Kim...who?  Let's take a took at some eligible bachelorettes for the NBA's most unlikely mister.


1) Leighton Meester

Sounds like a fantastic pair...it really would be the scandalous life of Manhattan's elites. 

Why this is perfect: no one has to relocate.  They can skip all the drama that comes with pairing up with a non-local (see: Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries in Kourtney and Kim Take New York.)  Jeremy is rumored to be moving in from the suburbs into FiDi, so they'll both be in the same borough.  Plus, who else thinks Jeremy and Dorota could be BFFs?  I certainly do.


2) Kristin Kreuk

Her Smallville days might be over and she may have slipped into obscurity, but there's no question that she's still a beauty and certainly eligible for an NBA spectacular's love.

Why this is perfect: she is half Chinese. Let's face it...there aren't that many stars in Hollywood looking for an Asian boyf...and while some may compromise on that for Jeremy, we'd know Kristin would be vying for Jeremy's love sans ulterior motives.

3) Vanessa Hudges

Though she's basically dating no one now dating Austin Butler (?), Vanessa was once very much into basketball players, one in particular named Troy Bolton.  So much so that she decided to date the real life Troy Bolton, Zac Efron, for four years.

Why this is perfect: must I spell it out?
Jeremy Lin is a basketball player...
The only caveat: sorry Vanessa, but Jeremy might not enjoy taking naked pictures of you on his cell phone as much as Zac did.  But if you can wait 'til marriage, I'd say Jeremy is a good investment. 

Here's to Jerbear finding a lifetime galpal now that he's known by all...and Jeremy, if none of the girls above work out, I know plenty of friends who would die to have you.

She Found Giorgio in a Hopeless Place

Continuing with awards season was the Grammys last night....nothing special happened last night except for that Adele shamelessly told everyone she had snot coming down her nose while accepting Album of the Year.  That's not embarrassing at all.  But let's get real, she can do whatever she wants, eat whatever she wants and say whatever she wants because she swept the Grammys this year. 

Instead of solely recapping the Grammys red carpet wear (which was mostly hideous by the way; Julianne Hough was my best dressed), I will instead award superlatives to the three gals who deserve it most.

1) NICKI MINAJ IS PROBABLY DESTINED FOR HELL.



First she stumbles on the red carpet in a cape-like getup with a bishop as her plus one. ...huh?  And then she performs 3 hours later and it all makes sense.........uhhh but does it?

I just feel psychologically violated. 

I don't really know what else to say....except for this battle between Nicki and GaGa on who can put together the most annoying musical performance is really getting out of hand and it's starting to dictate where they'll be spending their time in the afterlife.
Pack a bikini ladies, 'cause it's real hot where you're headed.  Maybe a leather one...you know, because leather isn't flammable.



 
2) RIHANNA WAS A VISION.  THIS LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENS.

Rihanna in Giorgio Armani...blonde hair...neutral make-up...plunging v-neck...
I love it all. 
This is all foreign territory, incorporating "Rihanna" and "love" together in a sentence when referring to her stylistically.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves here...I am sure she will immediately disappoint at her next public appearance.

I honestly have nothing fun to say about her.
Maybe she should go back to red hair and ugly clothes so I can have more exploitable blog material...





3) KATY PERRY IS GRIEVING IN INAPPROPRIATE WAYS.

Okay, KP, we'll cut you some slack since you're going through a potentially difficult time in your life...although we'd really like to think that divorcing Russel Brand is the next best thing to never having to ever meet Russel Brand in the first place.

Don't know what compelled you to go back two decades backstage...where do you even find a krimper these days

And grieving through personifying fictional Dr. Seuss characters is very strange and is a testament to how weird your childhood was.  It's okay, we won't blame you for that one...you can't control the fact that your parents were LSD-heads-turned-into-missionaries-and-forbid-you-to-watch-Dirty-Dancing. (<--- that is true, watch her E! True Hollywood Story).



Aaaaand to top off this Grammys post, let's take a look at some memorable Grammy styles from the past: