My (Sort Of) Grown-Up Christmas List

December has crept upon us, and despite the terribly murky weather that has befallen us (in the Northern Virginia area), we are nearing holiday mode

Girls have started (and for some, already finished) a fantasy wish-list for the upcoming holidays; and while The Man Repeller may ask for everything Proenza Schouler, and my friend/sister Tiane, the last bits of the lululemon collection she does not (yet) own, I will be conjouring up a very different list this holiday season.

Sure, designer bags/women's wear/shoes and high-end activewear are nice, but all it takes is a simple trip to the mall or a few clicks of the mouse to acquire these goodies.

I want a challenge.  An act of God.

While the rest of the world will pen a very selfish wish-list, mine will comprise of necessary actions that will benefit every single citizen of this planet.
(With the exception of wish numero uno).

Without further ado.  My 2010 holiday wish list:

1) Jake Gyllenhaal.  That is all.

2) Would love to come across a picture of the Olsen twins in all their enamel glamor before the year is up.  Since their So Little Time days, it seems like these ladies forgot they have teeth.  I guess Mary Kate occasionally forgets she has them since she doesn't use them everyday like normal people.  You know, because the rest of us eat.

3) I need the Academy to reconsider having James Franco and Anna Hathaway host the Oscars this February.  Considering the fact that I am still trying to recover from the 113 minutes lost while sitting through Love & Other Drugs, I cannot have another 3 hours dedicated to this woman.  What was wrong with the trend of hiring established, middle-aged actors/comedians like Hugh Jackman, who oozes sex appeal, or Alec Baldwin, who oozes rage and overall douchiness?

4) Snooki to gain anonymity by this time next year.  Sorry John McCain, but your friend must go.

5) To see Lady GaGa in something other than Alexander McQueen something ladylike would be just lovely.  Perhaps an Oscar de la Renta ensemble?  Or a nice little Alice + Olivia dress.  Bonus points if she treats her feet to lady-sized stilettos (or if we can see her shoes at all).

But then again, maybe super weird people like Gaga are meant to be adorned in muppets and raw meat.

Maybe I'm asking for too much.  Maybe.

But I think if all five things on my holiday wish list were to come true, Someone up there would think there's good reason to extend our livelihoods much longer than 2012.  And then you can thank me for forgoing a wishlist of boots and bags for the sake of your life.