Only Old People Smile With Their Teeth: Golden Globes 2013

It's January...this can only mean one thing.  You will compile a list of completely unattainable goals in an effort to better yourself, but really only just set yourself up for a disappointingly repeated, older (and none the wiser) version of yourself from the year before.  Because change is overrated.  It's awards season.  Duh.

I couldn't have been less interested in who won this year.  I haven't seen any of the movies or TV shows nominated (excluding Breaking Bad, PS I can't believe we have to wait 'til SUMMER to see Hank go Chris Brown on Bryan Cranston's ass.)   Apparently Homeland took it away on the television front...no surprise there...at least 48% of my Facebook newsfeed is comprised of statuses related to the show.  Even though I have read the premise of the show on Wikipedia three times now and still can't really figure out what it's about.  To be fair, any time middle eastern locations are thrown into any given sentence, I automatically go ADHD. 

I digress.  The real reason this post is here is to see worst and best dressed.  Let's see who managed to make us "want to die" or managed to make us want to gouge our eyes out this year.  (See last year's Golden Globes review here.  Remember Charlize Theron in Dior??)

Let's start off with the ladies in white.  There was a good amount of white on the Red Carpet this year, all looking pretty good. (Though that may be due too the lighting on white, taking away from any detailing that may actually be pretty horrific.)  Apparently there is some sort of contest out in Hollywood for Seasonique's next endorsement deal.  Good luck ladies...may the odds be ever in your drug-induced-infertility favor.  

BEST DRESSED

My top picks for tonight are these ladies, in no particular order...yet slightly in the order in which they are pictured.
1) Jennifer Garner: in a red Vivienne Westwood number, mama's lookin' good.  She is clearly not in the running for the Seasonique deal.  She is basically wearing menstrual camo.
2) Julianna Margulies: (okay this is random and no offense to Julianna, but does anyone else think she looks like Asa from Shahs of Sunset?)  representing the middle-aged demo at the Globes very well tonight in Emilio Pucci.
3) Julianne Hough: in Monique Lhullier...just stunning. Unlike her performance in Footloose v2.

4) Katharine McPhee: what are you doing with your life these days?  I guess it doesn't really matter...looking great in a chic, minimalist Theyskens' Theory dress. 

5) Kerry Washington: (the hair gives her an extra 10 points) this Miu Miu embellishments-on-sheer beats out allll the other Zuhair Murad embellishments-on-sheer ever in history.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Kristen Bell looked amazing tonight with that "I have a human being growing inside me" glow about her.
Also looking fab: Mrs. Doubtfire's ex-wife. 
Honestly, they should probably both be in the top five, but word on the street is that pregnant people and grandmas aren't real lookers, so I resorted to the list above. Sorry, I am soooo conventional.

WORST DRESSED
Let's start off with the ladies who came adorned in the most hideous of ensembles, yet managed to come paired, arm-in-arm, with gorgeous male specimans.  I guess these ladies invested in the accessories division but I mean, you knew you were going to be photographed tonight, right?
WORST of these goes to: Rachel Weisz.  Way to come with arguably the most gorgeous man of the hour while simultaneously supporting one of the worst fashion collaborations of all time (Louis Vuitton x Yayoi Kusama.) 

Continuing the worst dressed are gals who decided that patterns were a way to go.  WRONG.

There you have it.  Globes 2013.  It has now become too late to come up with some sort of witty conclusion, soooo...bye.